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I had such plans. I was going to post nice statistics after using Tinder for three weeks, and then again for three months. It was going to be glorious and nerdy.
Except Tinder sucks as a data source. It’s really, really hard to keep track of people who unmatch you unless you are quick with updating your lists and I am not.
So instead I’ll have to summarize.
First the surprising thing: I got a ton, and I do mean a ton, of matches. I had not expected that.
However, and this is the unsurprising thing, it’s all for naught. A whole bunch of it was matches with women living abroad (especially Chinese and Russians). A whole lot of the matches never resulted in conversations. I realize that I am having a hard time sending someone a “first message” if I know nothing about them. I mean, I could come up with a cheesy pickup line, but can I really? At the very least it’s not really “me”.
As for the matches that resulted in messages being sent, I have to say that it seems that holding a conversation seems to be a bit of a lost art nowadays.
In the end, there was exactly one person I actually had a conversation with, until she remembered that she was a christian and really wouldn’t date an atheist.
So… tl;dr – Tinder is still a waste of time.
So, I was right about the matches with the Chinese girls being a con. It’s a somewhat well done one, compared to what you usually get, because they are patient. But scammers they are.
First they try to build up trust by talking about themselves. Some sent photos of their families, etc.
Then they’ll start to mention they are making a lot of money with investments.
Next they’ll send some screenshots for “proof”.
And after that they begin to talk up how great and trustworthy their “analyst” is who makes them all that money.
I didn’t play along further than this, but I am sure they would have offered me the opportunity to also participate.
So in the end, this isn’t something that’s really dangerous in any way shape or form to anybody who pays even a little bit of attention.
I did manage to annoy one of the scammers to the point where they sent me “I fuck your mother” insults, so there’s that.
So I set up a new Tinder profile. Tinder has never really worked for me, but I was bored at work (very, very bored) and swiping on profiles is something I can do to kill time.
In three days, I’ve gotten 28 matches. Which is probably 26 more than I ever got on Tinder before – in total. (Well, probably not quite, but you get the idea.)
Now I wonder, of course, what changed. I mean I am older now and may hair more gray, but if anything I would expect age to make my “dating pool” smaller. Sure, older women are more in my range, but younger women should find me outside their range. For reference, I set my “age preference” range to the full “18 to 55+” range.
So what did I do different?
- My photo is okay. Not awesome, not terrible. I kinda don’t think it is very different in quality from previous ones, but it’s a possibility.
- I am a little more liberal swiping right than I was in the past. I don’t swipe right on nearly all profiles, but I’ll swipe right when I am undecided about a profile.
- I used a short one line text on my bio, basically saying “Just looking for good dates, but if we like each other we don’t have to stop there”. I don’t have the text I used last time I installed Tinder, but it definitely was more lengthy and complicated than that.
- I prefaced my description with my height – having recently learned just how superficial the average Tinder user is, and being a fairly tall dude, this seemed like a good idea and my money would be on this being the biggest factor.
Not much to go on, but okay. And while that’s interesting, quantity means nothing. Have I got any actual results to show? Not really.
- Of the 28 matches, I removed two after matching because looking at their photos again, they were way too obese.
- I haven’t sent messages to three matches, yet.
- Of the remaining 23, I got replies from 16 matches.
- Six matches turned out to be Chinese who “just left” my city, and “will be back in January”. I am not quite sure what their con is, yet, but it’s a definite oddity.
- Two were scammers who tried me to sign up to some third party crap sites using their referral codes.
- One match lives in Dubai and “will visit Europe next year”.
- One was “looking for a sugar daddy” – also known as “I don’t want to admit that I am a prostitute but I totally am”. I declined.
- One turned out to be a prostitute – “want to have sex for 150”. (I declined that too.)
The youngest woman I matched with is 18, the oldest 55 years old.
So my “actual” success rate after three days is … zero. I still win in that this turned out to be a very interesting experiment.
So, I went on a date last night. Matched with a woman – let’s call her Dora – on an app (not Tinder), had a brief conversation, and we agreed to meet for drinks.
Dora is an ex-pat from the United States, a self-professed nerd (“since way before it was fashionable”), and she “has people skills”.
The date started off alright, but as we got to talking things quickly went south.
At one point I mentioned an event from high school that involved a girl being, well, a derp. Her immediate reaction was “It’s very interesting that the one event you remember from high school involves a woman in a negative light” and accused me of being a sexist. I very nearly walked out at that point, but I didn’t.
Probably should have.
Dora’s “people skills” soon manifested themselves, as she picked an argument with a girl sitting one table over – and essentially called the girl, her job, and the social projects the girl was working on “stupid” to her face. Of course what Dora was working on was better, more brilliant, and much more meaningful in affecting change. The two also engaged in an – excuse this surely sexist phrase – dick measuring contest about who had lived in more, and more interesting, countries. I cringed, hard.
When that ended and we finally left the bar, I walked her to the nearest subway station. At this point I knew I would never want to see her again anyway, but I do believe it’s customary to at least say something like “Thanks for the evening, have a good night”.
Nope, not Dora.
“Fuck – my train,” she exclaimed, ran off, jumped onto the train, and wasn’t seen again.
I took a taxi and went home.
I realized, as I was sitting in the rear of the taxi, that this had been my first ever date with a “geek girl”. I had always thought that going out with a fellow nerd would be a cool thing – finally, someone who isn’t dumb and understands technology – but this was more than a little off-putting. If this is what regular people experience dating nerds, it’s no wonder nerds don’t get laid much.
I’m really getting too old for this shit.
From a dating site profile:
“I am from Mars, here to study Earth humans.”
So I asked her whether she was a Green Martian, a Red Martian, or one of the Tripod-driving Martians.
She had no idea what I was talking about.
Oh well.
99.99% of the time I only reply you when I am pooping Not your typical smelly, vegan, hairy, feminist gal *I’m not looking for boyfriend,fwb,etc* Looking for someone to help me take Instagram pics TYVM
I can only hope this is a fake/joke account… but I am really not sure it is.
So, I met a woman. She is beautiful, smart, successful in her career, exactly my kind of person. The kind you can talk to for hours and don’t notice time passing.
But you guessed it, there’s a catch.
There’s always a catch.
After a short time it became apparent that she suffers from BPD or something similar. Without going too much into details, she switched from “this is awesome and I am so happy we met” to “secretgeek you are evil incarnate” on a near daily basis.
Eventually she gave me the “I think we should just be friends” line on a good day. I asked her if she was sure about that, and, when she confirmed it, I essentially wished her well and never called back.
I am, after all, evil incarnate.
Obviously, part of me regrets this, but in the end it was probably the right decision. I am willing to put a lot of work into a relationship, down to the ugliest problems (oh the things I can’t post about!), but if the person needing the support doesn’t want it, I can’t force them.
And I really can do without the drama for once.
My unexpected New Year’s date got cancelled again (big surprise), but the girl asked to meet me on January 1st. I almost told her to go to hell but then I decided it’d be nice to start 2018 with a date.
Met her for dinner, decided she was boring and fat, and left as soon as I could reasonably excuse myself. (And I apologize for being harsh, but really, she was obese. And, much worse, as dull as one of our two hour team meetings.)
Speaking of dating and fat people: As you guys may remember, I, too, am trying to lose weight. But I am doing it in a slow fashion, trying to re-train myself to eat better rather than chasing a diet fat or forcing myself into a gym.
Well, I signed up for Tinder again on a whim (and, likely, a desire for mental self-harm) and lo and behold, I am actually getting matches. Of non-bot female users who then actually talk to me for a little. So I guess I am actually losing weight.
Either that, or my selfie skills have greatly improved.
Geeky Girl: “Hey Secretgeek, I was thinking we could meet up.”
Secretgeek: “Sure! Have anything specific in mind?”
Geeky Girl: “There’s this computer event I am going to with a guy friend, but it isn’t a date so we could meet there too.”
Secretgeek: “Errr…. Sure? When and where?”
Geeky Girl: “Monday, I’ll be there all afternoon.”
I sense a lot of enthusiasm in this one… I don’t think I can be arsed to show up for that, though I am not sure how to tell her nicely.
Came across this okCupid profile. Gotta be a joke… Right? RIGHT?
Boy I hope this is a joke.
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