Adventures in Online Dating, Pt 4: The Aggro Profile

Ah, yes. “Please Die” is one variation, but today I found a profile that consists of one long, hostile rant. Cute girl, but would you date her?

• “If you think you don’t have to be wealthy at 30, find yourself another [nasty slang word for vagina]”
• “I don’t need [nasty slang word for penis], I am looking for a kind gentleman”
• “Don’t think you can tell me a thousand lies, I will see through them all”
• “[Nasty slang words for ‘go away’] from my profile, who do you think you are to look at it?”
• “Why do small idiots continue to bother me?”
• “Men with psychological problems, twitches, or other issues need not wonder why I never call back”
• “No, I never had bad experiences, but I have three brothers, I know how men think”
• “The ugly birds among you, why don’t you find yourselves someone as ugly as you?”
• “It disgusts me that you guys just [slang for masturbate] to my photos”
• “I am not superficial, but I am not a loser who needs to talk to ugly people”
• “I am very caring and gentle for Mr Right”
• “I am not aggressive, if you can’t handle straight talk [slang for anatomically impossible sexual act]”

It seems only fitting that the entire thing is riddled with spelling mistakes. I wonder what institution she was posting from.

Adventures in Online Dating, Pt 3: Please Die

The site I am using is doing a bad job at displaying someone’s age, and it does not let me filter whether or not someone is looking for someone my age. So, I clicked on someone who’s 19. No big deal, except for what she wrote in her profile:

“If you are over 30, please go away and die.”

I think I know why you are single, Miss.

Adventures in Online Dating, Pt 2: Unlike Anything

I came across a profile of a lady. In it, she states “You should get in touch if you want a relationship unlike any other you ever had.”

Okay, I thought. I’ll bite.

“Hey there, so, you got me curious, how would a relationship with you be different? All the best, Secretgeek”

Her reply came just a few hours later:

“Diff frim Anything Evurbody have ben user to.” (sic!)

Yeah, I guess I normally go out with women who are not illiterate.

That aside, if you put something like that in your profile, I’d expect you to have a reply ready when someone lets you bait them.

 

A Clear Dealbreaker

So, I am currently looking for a new girlfriend. Not getting any younger and all that, right? Fortunately there are still some decent women out there. Unfortunately some of them like to not only dress their tiny poodles in miniature shirts, they then wear matching sweaters.

Deal breaker, right there.

Adventures in Online Dating, Pt. 1

I don’t know why I am bothering with online dating. Anyway, I talked to a lady, and asked her if she’d like to meet for a date. She accepted and I asked her “how long do you work, and what general area in the city are you located in” in order to pick a decent location and suggest a time that might be convenient.

No reply for two weeks.

I could have just ignored it after that, but I sent her a quick mail: “Hey, I guess you reconsidered and that’s fine, it would have been nice if you had said something though. Anyway, since I prefer clear communication, let’s leave this be.”

It’s a rough translation, the original was a little bit more friendly.

Anyway, an hour later I get a reply, “Secretgeek, I accept your decision, but you must know I work very irregular hours and I am rarely online.”

Right. First of all, I don’t really care if you “accept” or “respect” my decisions, they’re not yours to question or debate. And why do you feel like you have to justify yourself? I don’t get it. You didn’t bother to follow up in two weeks, why make up a flimsy excuse now?

Women.

 

Company Brainwashing

This week I am on a ‘training course’, together with ten other individuals. Officially, it is a ‘communications training’. In fact, though, it is a thinly-veiled attempt at forcing us to conform to the wishes of our management. We’re only one day in and there have been several exercises along the lines of “name 3 positive things about your company” and “come up with 3 negative things about your company – Ok great now put a positive spin on each of them”.

I can see how some of it is useful when dealing with complaining customers, of course. But the emphasis truly seems to be on convincing us that the company is the hottest thing since buttered toast.

It doesn’t really work so far, but hey, two days to go.

Meanwhile, I have been in a lousy, lousy mood. Work has been bothering me a lot, yes, but my last real relationship – other than some going out with random ladies who disappear too quickly to even give them code names for this blog – was a year ago. And I am not getting younger.

I have some time off to the end of the year. I must really find some way out of this mess…

I wonder if I could crowdsource my problems.

 

Dating Site Survival Skills

It seems I can now accurately spot a Nigerian scammer by sentences as short as six written words.

Security By Obtuseness

The CTO of my customers refuses to send a CSR – Certificate signing request – by email for “Secruity Reasons”. He doesn’t seem to understand the difference between a public and a private key. The same individual attaches a high-resultion scan of his handwritten signature to every email.

Seriously.

Awesome Adventures in Dating

Met with a girl geek. Second time. Not actually a date – from the beginning this was a clear “for friends” deal, for some very good reasons. Anyway, it has been quite clear, I think, that we are quite compatible, as friends. Nevertheless, she had to start today’s non-date with: “Subtlety is not my thing, so, No sex.”

…

Thanks, girl geek. Not only did we actually already settle that by deciding it’s a “friends” thing, but did you really have to spell it out that way? Way to prop up my confidence.

Just A Tad Excessive

Winfried is our security officer. He is perhaps not the sharpest knife in the drawer: Our local IT team just removed Winfried’s 207 print jobs stuck in a print queue. About a hundred pages each. When told about it, Winfried”s reply was, “Why would the printer queue documents?”