I think morale at my workplace has hit a new low. I’ve been listening to people who come to me to bitch about the management – I think they kinda trust me because they know I am our bosses’ top enemy – and it seems that not one soul trusts any of our managers. They’ve been described as “liars”, “selfish”, “despotic”, “untrustworthy”, “stuck in a 1930s mindset”, and worse.

I can’t really deny any of that. As far as I can tell, the local management is basically working into their own pockets as best they can – supporting each other for raises, while not even forwarding requests from other employees. Covering for each other when they take days off (“sick days”, “work from home days” if anybody asks). One guy overdid it so much that he was fired for taking excessive amounts of sick leave (about 60% of work days, I kid you not) after he was observed at a party while “ill”.

The local managers who can approve orders themselves have bought themselves nice mobile phones, iPads, induction charging stations, usb memory sticks with LED usage indicators, and other gadgets.

I’ve raised the issues several times before and told them, obviously without naming names, what staff thinks of them and how I think they should do better – presumably at least part of the reason why I am enemy #1 – but you should not think that the behavior changed.

It’s not really my problem, but I’ve successfully defied them in the past – illegal orders, violations of company process, and attempts at bullying me into resigning – and so I’ll try to raise the issue with our CEO. I don’t really think there will be any sort of change, but I think it might be amusing.

Besides, it’s good conflict training. Maybe when I am done with this mess I can actually think about getting into management myself. In the past, that idea scared me, and I turned down the opportunity twice – but perhaps it’s time to actually try and do it better.

Just, really – not in this company.

So I was in a good, optimistic mood today and asked my coworker Hannah if she wanted to join me for lunch.

“Sorry, Secretgeek,” she replied, “I just don’t feel hungry at all today.”

Sure, no worries. So I went to lunch with my colleagues Paulo, Muhammad, and Terrence instead. Paulo drove us to a restaurant we usually walk to, on account of wanting to quickly stop at a shop afterwards. Ten minutes later, Hannah and Steven walk in. They must’ve left the office about the same time we went to the car.

Too bad Hannah couldn’t have simply said “I already got plans”. So either there’s some odd business going on… or women now lose their appetite when the prospect is lunch with me.

Alright, so I now have it in writing. I am not a genius – my “age-dependent” IQ is merely 122.

This isn’t supposed to be a humblebrag. I get that it’s decent. I’ve always known that I would not score under 100, but that I also wouldn’t be Mensa material. I never really bothered to find out; and it’s kinda sorta neat to know where one stands, and what one’s limits are. I scored highest on logic and lowest on the math type questions.

And while I am on the subject, I am also an INTJ. I am aware of the Forer Effect and the grain of salt that it offers, of course, but the description of an INTJ is a reasonably good match if you wanted to boil me down to one of sixteen possible personality types. So perhaps that is the real tragedy of my life – I am not smart enough for the sort of job that an INTJ personality would be good at, including the ones that involve secret volcano lairs on tropical islands.

Oh well.


The company I work for is pretty sucky. (I know, I really know how to pick ’em.) Since this isn’t just my opinion, it has been getting very bad reviews by both current and former employees on popular rating sites. Today, in an all-hands call, our HR guy told us that this was “a bad thing” and that we should please remember that “such negative statements hurt our company”. He named the site and while he was speaking, people all around the conference room picked up their iPads and mobile phones to check said site.

Good job, HR guy.

Oh, and, of course the approach of actually reading the feedback and fixing valid issues has not occurred to anybody.

Oops, seems that my recent posts on Online Dating attracted a bunch of new people. Hi there, glad to see you; make yourselves comfortable. I love reading your comments, thanks for those!

From a woman’s profile, paraphrased:

“They say there’s a person for everybody, so I signed up to this dating site to prove them wrong. I am filled with lots of anger, so you’ll need to be able to handle an aggressive woman to make it out alive. You should message me if you want to be my bitch [sic].”

I don’t know – except for the last part that’s oddly compelling. Judging by her profile she’s definitely not Mrs Secretgeek material, but I am more inclined to write to her than reply to the poser.

If you “prefer not to say” whether you have children, don’t post a photo of yourself with the corners of children’s educational puzzles showing on the table in the background. (That said, don’t omit that detail from your profile anyway – if the guy or girl you want to go out with has an issue with dating a single parent you are just wasting everybody’s time until they find out.)

I understand that part of dating – and especially online dating – is presenting yourself in a light that makes you attractive to the person of your desire. Obviously, in light of being single, I don’t do very well at that myself; but do consider the following exchange:

Woman: “So, what do you mean by cosmology? Stuff like the moon, mars, and the sun, right?”

Secretgeek: “Cosmology is the study of the universe’s origin, evolution, nature, and eventual end.”

Woman: “Yes that is very interesting indeed, though I don’t think we can ever predict the future of the planets, considering it is all random chance that the earth came to be from gasses and water and rock due to specific temperatures and pressure.”

Well she tried, right?

At least she did not confuse the subject with astrology…

This week a lady messaged me and told me how much she liked my profile and how it made her smile. She was not really my type, but never judge the book by its cover, right? Her profile was very barren – basically empty – so I went to the Q&A section. First question I see: “Do you think geeks are sexy?” Her reply: “No”, with “yes” being an unacceptable answer. I do not make a secret out of being a geek and actually state so quite clearly in my profile. So, yeah, thanks for the message but I really doubt we’ll get along.

Ah, yes. “Please Die” is one variation, but today I found a profile that consists of one long, hostile rant. Cute girl, but would you date her?

  • “If you think you don’t have to be wealthy at 30, find yourself another [nasty slang word for vagina]”
  • “I don’t need [nasty slang word for penis], I am looking for a kind gentleman”
  • “Don’t think you can tell me a thousand lies, I will see through them all”
  • “[Nasty slang words for ‘go away’] from my profile, who do you think you are to look at it?”
  • “Why do small idiots continue to bother me?”
  • “Men with psychological problems, twitches, or other issues need not wonder why I never call back”
  • “No, I never had bad experiences, but I have three brothers, I know how men think”
  • “The ugly birds among you, why don’t you find yourselves someone as ugly as you?”
  • “It disgusts me that you guys just [slang for masturbate] to my photos”
  • “I am not superficial, but I am not a loser who needs to talk to ugly people”
  • “I am very caring and gentle for Mr Right”
  • “I am not aggressive, if you can’t handle straight talk [slang for anatomically impossible sexual act]”

It seems only fitting that the entire thing is riddled with spelling mistakes. I wonder what institution she was posting from.


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