I start work again on Monday. It feels weird, in a way – I kinda got used to having a lot of freedom and spare time.

New job is actually quite good, though. I can’t really comment on the details, for obvious reasons, but I have high hopes for this. However, here’s a solemn promise to myself: If they don’t keep any of the agreements, if there are signs of a lack of training and personal development, or if any of the bosses turn out to be bullies or power hungry psychopaths I will leave immediately. I will not, ever again, put up with that sort of crap.

I really want to avoid having a heart attack before I am 50. Or ever.

…when you are “forced” to punch a new hole into your belt because the old one causes your pants to slip. You know, that old hole you had punched into the same belt a year prior in a bout of optimism and that had always been so tight it wasn’t usable.



Geeky Girl: “Hey Secretgeek, I was thinking we could meet up.”

Secretgeek: “Sure! Have anything specific in mind?”

Geeky Girl: “There’s this computer event I am going to with a guy friend, but it isn’t a date so we could meet there too.”

Secretgeek: “Errr…. Sure? When and where?”

Geeky Girl: “Monday, I’ll be there all afternoon.”


I sense a lot of enthusiasm in this one… I don’t think I can be arsed to show up for that, though I am not sure how to tell her nicely.

Came across this okCupid profile. Gotta be a joke… Right? RIGHT?


Boy I hope this is a joke.

Instead of turning tail and running, the girl and I talked things over. No interest at all from her side, she says. But she wants to stay friends. Haven’t heard that before…

Oh well. At least it’s settled.

Talked to a friend, and, since’s a geek like I am, advised him against purchasing a video game I thought was bad.

“But the videos of the game looked awesome,” he said. “Very promising. Did you see them?”

“Yes, but I tried the game and it sucks. Got a refund this morning.”

“But trying it doesn’t mean you know how it plays and what features it has.”


Days like this, I wonder why I still have any sort of hope for mankind.


I still have sources: I just got a call that the guy who did fire me was himself fired this morning – with immediate effect. That makes two out of two. Incidentally, this was the same guy who had been sexually harassing female staff.

I’d love to know if my reporting him did, in the end, have an effect; but of course I will likely never find out. I’ll just assume that, in some small way, I have been a force for good, and I’ll let myself feel warm and fuzzy for a few hours. You know – enjoy it while it lasts.

I decided that the best approach to getting over my current crush would be disengagement, after all. So I stayed away from the game, didn’t sign into Ventrilo, and went to bed early instead of talking to the girl. Lasted about one day. When I woke up the next morning, I had four messages on Skype. I decided I couldn’t be an asshole and answered a question she had.

“Thanks,” came the reply. “You know, I missed you last night.”

We then ended up talking for about twelve hours, with some small gaps in between.


My friend Carina, to whom I vented some of my frustration about my current situation, said “So, be a home wrecker.”

“I can’t do that,” I exclaimed.

“Why not? And I mean this as a serious question.”

This took me aback. Clearly, it was obvious why I couldn’t do that, wasn’t it? But I know Carina, and she did expect an actual answer.

“It would be a dick move to try and break up someone else’s relationship.”

“And how does that attitude benefit you? Clearly, she is into you to some extent. If her relationship is solid and happy, you can’t break it anyway.”

As always, Carina had a point. Yet, still, …no.

“This way, I can still look at myself in the mirror.”

“Suit yourself. If you did it my way, you could be looking at a cool girlfriend instead of yourself.”


Damned if you do, damned if you don’t.

Above all else, to thine own self be true, as the immortal Will put it so succinctly. I know what must be done, I just don’t quite know how to go about it without being an asshole.

This is probably not the most “amusing” sort of post, but I feel that it keeps me honest: Since I stopped drinking sodas, I lost 15kg (33.07 lbs). Went to a checkup a week ago, and my doctor not only immediately noticed it, she says the values from my blood test are massively better as well.

I am no longer out of breath after two flights of stairs. My pants don’t fit anymore – they are too wide. I had to punch new holes into my belts. Shirts that were once a good fit are now somewhat loose.

So… how long is this going to take?

Even now, I don’t normally mention my actual weight. It’s just too sad and embarrassing. But I figure, nobody here knows me, right? I can be honest with you guys. So how much does Secretgeek actually need to lose?

Of course, that depends. According to BMI, I should lose another 45kg. That, however, seems unreasonable; it would bring me to ~80kg which I don’t recall ever weighing after my teenage years. I decided that I will settle for a two-digit weight, i.e. 99kg or less, and add some wiggle room. Make it 95kg (209 lbs). That means I have 30kg (66 lbs) to go. Ignoring any inevitable slowdown, that in turn means another 6-8 months.

I can do that.

Putting it into perspective

I’ve now lost 10% of my starting weight, and will end up losing 45%+ once I am at my target. 45kg (100lbs) is as much as a small dishwasher. It’s 450 bars of chocolate, or more than four average car tires. That’s insane. I can’t imagine strapping four car tires or a dishwasher to my back and lugging them around, but that’s what I am doing every second of my life.

Could someone please tell me how this madness started? Why the hell did I let myself become fat?

Tonight, after a lot of talking and getting convinced that this lady is actually as cool as I think she is, I was just pondering of how to broach the subject of meeting up somewhere, when she mentioned “oh by the way, I should probably mention this: I have a boyfriend I live with”.

Err. Okay.

I’ll go back to being lonely, hopeless, and bitter now, thank you very much.


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