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My unexpected New Year’s date got cancelled again (big surprise), but the girl asked to meet me on January 1st. I almost told her to go to hell but then I decided it’d be nice to start 2018 with a date.

Met her for dinner, decided she was boring and fat, and left as soon as I could reasonably excuse myself. (And I apologize for being harsh, but really, she was obese. And, much worse, as dull as one of our two hour team meetings.)

Speaking of dating and fat people: As you guys may remember, I, too, am trying to lose weight. But I am doing it in a slow fashion, trying to re-train myself to eat better rather than chasing a diet fat or forcing myself into a gym.

Well, I signed up for Tinder again on a whim (and, likely, a desire for mental self-harm) and lo and behold, I am actually getting matches. Of non-bot female users who then actually talk to me for a little. So I guess I am actually losing weight.

Either that, or my selfie skills have greatly improved.


Instead of turning tail and running, the girl and I talked things over. No interest at all from her side, she says. But she wants to stay friends. Haven’t heard that before…

Oh well. At least it’s settled.

In early July, I posted about the quality of life improvements that were caused by the loss of my last job. Of particular note, then, was that I had lost 5kg (11lbs) of weight, mostly due to no longer consuming sugary sodas.

I am very happy to report that I hit a new milestone today: I have now lost a total of 10.6 kg (23.4 lbs).


The best part is, of course, that I don’t actually do anything for that. No exercise regime, no forced diet, nothing. Even went for pizza with a friend on Saturday. It will be interesting to see where my body finds a new balance. Will it be a good weight, or still be too high? Looking at what I eat, I am not really sure what I can do if I am still overweight once the natural weight loss stops, but let’s wait and see what actually happens before worrying about it.

This week I am on a ‘training course’, together with ten other individuals. Officially, it is a ‘communications training’. In fact, though, it is a thinly-veiled attempt at forcing us to conform to the wishes of our management. We’re only one day in and there have been several exercises along the lines of “name 3 positive things about your company” and “come up with 3 negative things about your company – Ok great now put a positive spin on each of them”.

I can see how some of it is useful when dealing with complaining customers, of course. But the emphasis truly seems to be on convincing us that the company is the hottest thing since buttered toast.

It doesn’t really work so far, but hey, two days to go.

Meanwhile, I have been in a lousy, lousy mood. Work has been bothering me a lot, yes, but my last real relationship – other than some going out with random ladies who disappear too quickly to even give them code names for this blog – was a year ago. And I am not getting younger.

I have some time off to the end of the year. I must really find some way out of this mess…

I wonder if I could crowdsource my problems.


I woke up early. So early that I was tired and almost dazed. It was in this state that I went to my PC, checked the time, and found that it was 4:40am. Acting purely on routine I checked my email on my Macbook and then picked up my iPhone, not quite aware that the same accounts were configured on both. It was well that I did this, however, as I had a text message waiting.

It was from the girl I went on a date with on Friday, and, judging by the timestamp, it must have been what had awoken me minutes before.

“Would you like to meet me on Wednesday?” it read.

Why, yes, I would. I replied something to that effect and went back to sleep.

Best of all: both messages were still there when I woke up again two hours later.


Gwen reports that the project for her university is progressing well. Yes, I still get the daily e-mails.

I was sick today. I think it was a sandwich I bought. Better today than Wednesday. That would be an absolute nightmare – having to cancel on Gwen. Oh dear, let’s not even think about that.


Bastian is one of our Windows system administrators who just managed to negotiate an 8k raise.

Yesterday, he decided to go sailing for two hours. Officially, he had to go to the doctor, and that’s what he told our boss.

He quickly returned. “Doctor wasn’t in,” he said. After the door closed and our boss was out of earshot, he explained the true reason: “No wind. I’ll try again in the afternoon.”

He left again at 2pm, citing a toothache, and did not return until 5:30pm – “I felt bad, so decided to show up again.”

He did miss a meeting with our boss in the meantime.

I’d rat him out for being an ass, except my employer and especially our team lead have been treating me like shit, so why bother?

At least he’s got chutzpah, you gotta give him that.

Today, I wanted to leave early. I felt like crap – to the point where three co-worker commented that I looked “unwell”. I asked my boss and he okayed that I should leave at 3pm. At 4pm I was still there, handling various urgent tasks because at 9am nobody had agreed to my suggestion for a workaround which would have taken all the urgency out of this one incident.

I was just starting to feel as if I had gotten a handle on things and might leave on time at 5pm, when the Linux engineering team lead, Gerry, called me.

“Secretgeek, I have told my engineers to keep you informed on that critical setup,” he said. “I’m leaving for the weekend now.”

It took me two seconds but then I yelled at him and slammed down the phone.

Gerry left for the weekend five minutes later, and I stayed until 6:30pm working with his engineers. I also took the time to write long and very angry complaint to my direct superior. Not that it will change anything.

Oh the real kicker? The problem we worked on was urgent because Gerry had not taken care of it for four months.

I’ve been sleeping a lot, lately.

Sure there are days when I still get no more than my usual 4-5h/night of sleep. But several days this week I laid down on my couch to “rest my eyes” and woke up 8-9h later, when my alarm clock rang to cheer me up for a new day.

On the one hand I am enjoying the sleep; on the other hand, I can’t help but wonder why I am suddenly deviating from established behavior.

I’m thinking that one reason is my work. Now, if you’ve followed my blog for any length of time you will realize that complaining about my work is a tradition around here. But there’s a subtle difference. I actually used to like my work; it was just the incompetents and stupid people I could not take. Nowadays, I actually hate my work.

And yet, I did not resign from my post yet. It’s not because I like my co-workers (except for Matylda, the cute Polish lady, and I have a Snowball’s chance in a CAT scanner with her). It’s absolutely not because I get paid well. I think it’s because I really do not know what to do next.

Or let me rephrase that: I really do not know what I want to do next.

Important distinction.

I do not think I want to go back into Engineering. I guess I would, for the right position, but not in general. I’ve done that for way too long and. I also don’t want to stick to what I am doing now, because, well, I hate my work.

Unfortunately I am trained for nothing else and, as far as I have been able to analyze myself, have no other talents. I like cosmology, but there’s no way that I will be able to catch up on the math required at my age, and honestly I doubt that there are many jobs in that field anyway. I do like steady paychecks.

And so I stay put, take the abuse and escape into Dreamland until I can figure out myself.

Today, Murray had to go to a meeting. Since it was about a customer that Bob is responsible for, Murray asked Bob to join him even though Bob had not been invited by the meeting organiser.

It took Murray a minute to get Bob’s attention, since Bob was wearing headphones.

Murray: “Bob, we need to discuss this issue your customer is having. Could you please join a meeting that’s starting now?”

Bob: “No, no time for that.”

Bob then put his headphones back on through which we could then hear the sound of film trailers Bob was watching on YouTube.


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