So I finally managed to talk Matylda into going to lunch with me, something I had tried on and off for a while. And it was a good lunch; we had a lot of fun, good talks and everything, and yes, she told me she was “seeing someone”. Not exactly news, but I guess I had always hoped the rumors were not true. She didn’t tell me who it is – I still think it’s a guy from the office – but that doesn’t really matter.

When I discussed the matter with Anya – a Russian friend I have known for over ten years now – later, she made me recount all the minute details I could, and then asked me: “Could it be that she means you?”

As much as I wish that could be true, it’s not. It’s a real pity, too – because during the chat today I learned several things about Matylda which just made me like her a little more. Okay, so she is not a geek girl, but many of my best friends aren’t geeks. Well, perhaps not best friends, but I know non-geeks….

Anyway, I am too tired and too depressed to actually try and recount the details here. While I was never pushy or “needy” when dealing with Matylda (something I am actually quite proud of), and our interactions seemed fairly balanced (we talk quite a bit via company messenger – and about half the time she starts it, the other half I do) I think it’s best for me to really try and start treating her as “just another coworker”.

She’s not the first chick I liked who did not want me (though admittedly one of the few that sent me very mixed signals), and she won’t be my last – this blog shall remain a testament to that for as long as I live.

But there is also a ray of hope, a glimmer on the horizon if you will: I actually tried to ask her out. I won’t have to kick myself for yet another missed opportunity. If you don’t realize that that’s kind of a big deal, well, then you aren’t the shy geek that I am.